Thank you for writing. What you're saying is so so so common and more women need to hear it so they can see themselves and know what they've heard is not unique. Most importantly you know you are in an abusive relationship. Abuse is never good and never acceptable but the question is how do you make a change?
I know firsthand about the fear of the unknown. I stayed in my marriage and dealt with negativity put Downs verbal abuse emotional abuse financial abuse and infidelity. When I gathered enough strength after he got another woman pregnant with twins I realized the court system designed to protect you can also fail.
Don't get caught up and believing the court system will either help or hurt you. If you choose to leave be smart about your exit plan. Research and get yourself involved with an abuse program that will support you in creating an exit plan to protect yourself and your children. Get yourself into counseling so that you can learn why you believe you must stay and start to build your own self-esteem. It's easy for people to tell you to walk away when they're not in your circumstances it's easy for people to say you don't deserve that and you deserve better but most people are not walking in your circumstances. Please use your medical insurance to get counseling and help . Continue to reach out to those of us who are in the middle of similar circumstances so that you can hear firsthand the variety of experiences you may face when dealing with the court system. In my case my ex threatened often to quit his job and never help support me and our child. He has made good on the threat and is now over $100,000 in back child support.
The best advice I was ever given about divorce is it's not an answer to problems instead it just creates a new set that's just different. Everybody in an abused situation knows right from wrong and you have to love yourself and your children enough to say no more. You'll get there on your own time the question is how much time will you waste trying to get there?