Thank you Lily. I didn’t see your last response. I am young, ish, I’m 36 and going to be 37 soon. I went back on birth control without him knowing. He’s still using the fertility treatment, so I’m hoping my birth control works hard.
I did recently get the divorce paperwork from a lawyer, I just haven’t paid the retainer fee yet. I’m still scared. I know he is going to trash me and act the victim. Or ask me to go to counselling with him. I just don’t want too. Couples counselling is not going to work for me. We do not share the same values and beliefs. It’s pretty clear to me that I am not allowed to express my atheist beliefs or my more liberal point of view. Him and his mum just think it is the devil and outside influence pulling me away. He wants me to have Christian friends only.
I made a mistake and was friends with a male co worker, he found out about our friendship and now just blames that for me being distant. Because I’m thinking of him. It’s not true. I’m just distant because I don’t love him and I don’t like the way he thinks and feels about things and he can’t meet my emotional needs because he does not let me be myself and be my own individual person.
For now I’m holding onto the paperwork and trying to be brave enough to pay the retention fee and move forward with things.