I just want to caution you about putting all of the blame on yourself. There were two people in your marriage. In your self-reflection try not to glamorize your husband’s actions, rather try to remember his role too. Be kind to yourself okay? Water seeks its own level. Work on yourself separately and not in comparison to who your ex is. Sometimes when spouses know each other’s triggers they can exploit them and I think you know deep down whether he might have done some of that.