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Re: I'm devastated

I'm so sorry you're hurting. It is very hard. I'm going through it too, although my situation is different. But my husband is leaving me too, and he's been lying and doing things behind my back to prepare. Today I found out he's known for a week that the VA money I helped him to apply for more of was granted and now he'll have all this money to start over in another much cheaper country and won't have to work. Good for him. The thing I'm thinking for both of us is that we have to realize that it's not that we're bad or unattractive or unworthy that they want to leave. It's because they just want something different than us. For whatever reason. I could beat myself up, which is my inclination, but I just have to remind myself everyone's entitled to like what they like, and if it's not me, I don't want to be with him. I'm sick of feeling like he doesn't listen or care or notice. I'm sick of feeling ignored.

It might help you to write some stuff down. I don't know. I've started this journal just jotting down random thoughts or things that bug me or when I'm feeling sad, and it's sort of helping. Even though I don't have a shrink yet because I don't know where I'm moving or any real friends - none of the few I told I was divorcing have even checked on me and it's been a week!!! - I at least now have a place to go and vent. My computer. It might help you to be honest with yourself about your feelings and his and try to see why he's changed his feelings. But don't beat yourself up. He might have changed. Who knows? Something now might appeal to him that didn't before.

I know it's so hard, but if he doesn't want to be with you, do you want to force him and then know he doesn't really want it? That wouldn't feel good at all. I think you have to find a way to let him go. Don't dwell. Be kind to yourself. Don't listen to music or look at pictures or anything that will make you feel nostalgic. I'm trying to focus on my goals of finding a job and packing and saving my dogs, and that helps. We're kind of stuck at our house until it sells in the meantime, so that's awkward, but I'm barricaded in my office most of the time...

Big hugs. Be well, and please keep posting if you need more comfort. It's nice everyone can be here for each other during this very scary time. Try to get some good sleep... :)