Hello WillBFree,
I completely understand your hurt and the reality of it is, no matter how good you are as a wife men are visual and require praise regularly. It was an online fantasy that could potentially destroy your marriage fully if not stopped immediately. His fantasy could potentially spill over into him placing unfair expectations on you. Yes, this causes a huge trust issue and leaves a question mark in your mind wondering if this will ever happen again, but marriage is hard work and you dont make it to 50 years without going through some mud. I think your marriage is worth saving if you still want it. If he is willing to go to counseling, the counselor will do the hard part and bring up how his actions have impacted you negatively. The counselor will also get to the bottom of why he felt it was necessary to have this fantasy outside of the marriage. Working through this could potentially restore your marriage to better than before. Men are not taught how to process through their feelings or talk about what they need. If your husband is in his 40's he's in that generation with my husband, that was taught men should be tough and good providers and that's all. The men i have come across in that generation have a more traditional mindset with gender roles and do not understand a need for counseling. If u havent filed, you still have hope. Capitalize on the hope, but start preparing in the event it does not work out. Best luck!
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