It's frustrating how I see everything now that it's too late. I also took for granted his love and care for me. Never ever did I think he would do this. It's not even like he has someone else yet. The pain is unbearable. How do we get beyond this pain? He was unfaithful, but I was "not present" in our marriage. Such a simple fix, and wanting it so badly and him only giving 1 word replies or very vague makes it worse.
All I have are my grown kids, they are very supportive but I can't continue to draw strength from them. That is why I am seeking out this group.
Wow, your situation sounds similar to my situation. I separated around year 8 and got back together a month later. We did go to marriage counseling at year 13. Early this year at 31 years, he brought up divorce. I believe he is going through a midlife crisis as he had anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. I'm definitely not innocent in the demise of our marriage, but I also know its not all on me. I have tried to be the peace maker and kept quiet so it doesn't turn into a fight. Although, for me this divorce is a blessing because I finally opened my eyes that this was not a good marriage. There was infidelity on his side and possibly more than once. I think I was simply in denial and didn't follow up on the red flags. But that's bad on me. If we decided to get back to together, I KNOW divorce would come up again in 5-10-20 years later. I don't want to go through that during my golden years as I may not be able to handle it when I'm older.
Even though I was in agreement with the divorce, it does still hurt. But the hurt is not because I love or want him back. The hurt is the major change in my life and the death of the life I had envisioned. My faith in God and the church community is helping me in the healing process. I still have a long way to go in the healing process, but I know that I will be ok in the future.
Jen, me too. Married 30 years. We've had communication issues most of our marriage just like most but kids kept up busy. Now they're grown. He retired, now I find out he's been cheating. We did therapy and got back together for six months but now I find out there's more secrets that he didn't disclose. So now trust is gone and he agrees without trust there's not much. I'm blindsided and dealing with anxiety. I've been reading books, Stop Overthinking Your Relationship, I Just Want This Done. It talks about to stay away from self-pity (we both contributed to issues) and to think positive and self-care. It helps. Just trying hard to stay busy.
Reading your post was like my life. I have been married 31 years this Halloween. Married when I was 21, he put me on a pedestal and did everything for me.
Little bits of distrust crept in and we had issues from then to now. Sex became difficult for me because I felt disgust for him. As you can imagine, that doesn't work for men. So then I started to become bitter and irritated.
Fast forward, he cheated, I forgave and didn't want to end our marriage.
A month ago he left again, out of nowhere. He still irritated me, but now I miss him horrible, cry everyday. Nothing matters anymore that used to. I see my live for him now, where before I couldn't f8nd it.
He is acting exactly as you described your husband. Completely shut off. New world, new house, new truck and dog! He isn't with anyone besides my son right now. J6st sleeps and works according to my son.
I have sent texts crying and explaining how I feel now and we can fix this, blah blah blah. Vowing each time that I am not texting him again.
I feel your pain. The loneliness is killing me. I'm sorry for your pain, it is excruciating and debilitating. 💜