I feel your pain. I was married 30 years to a narcissist who completely broke me. He took and took while only throwing me scraps. He took my self confidence and constantly nagged and belittled me while managing to convince me it was all my fault. I really could have cared less if I lived or died. Twenty years into the marriage he started binge drinking and became addicted to opioids. He lost 3 jobs and continued to spiral…still, I stayed until he started an affair with a much younger co worker. They were not discrete. Both did terrible things to torture me. I didn’t understand any of this behavior. I had always been a good wife and great mother. Everyday I was completely blown away at his behavior, I could not believe he was capable of treating me in such a terrible manner. I filed for divorce and left. Here I am almost 4 years later I still have terrible days. He took off to live in another state without looking back. I am taking care of his dogs he dumped and emotionally supporting our children and now grandchildren while working full time. I am a firm believer in karma but that bus has not hit him yet. Maybe never will.