Everyone has to do what is right for them as far as changing their name. My boyfriend also did not like me having my ex's last name. I think it reminded him of my ex. He never pressured me to change it but he always used my maiden name when referring to me (part of this is also because we knew each other before I was married and knew me by my maiden name). My parents were really the ones pressuring me to change my name. I talked to my kids about it before I did it and they were okay with it. It was a HUGE pain though and I am STILL finding things in my old name six months later. It has caused issues with flying, insurance, medical records, bills, credit cards and bank accounts. If you do decide to do it, just know there are a TON of things that it needs to be changed on and be prepared for the process to take weeks or months.

As far as the kids getting things- have them make lists of things they need to remember before they leave (mine do it on their phones) so it cuts down on the trips and definitely talk with your ex and set boundaries. My ex and I text each other if we have to stop by the other's house. We never go in each other's house- we send the kids in. Ultimately, you have to find something that works for you and your ex and both be comfortable with it.