Re: I still love him, but can’t stand him anymore….
Hi,
I'm sorry that you are in this situation.
Alot of it sounds similar to my ex-.
I would recommend counseling for yourself to learn strategies and how to set boundaries. My ex- was whiney, needy, blamed me if things went wrong, lasted out, etc.
My therapist helped me change my reactions and choices; and in his words, "stop being a doormat."
Learn to say "no" to him, ignore him when he complains and nags you, make choices that are good for you.
I would start by taking control of your life and your choices. Go see your grandchildren at their house. If he wants to come, tell him "no" and tell him why. Be very matter of fact, don't make it a discussion or argument- don't engage in negativity with him- just tell him and then go.
It's hard to change the dynamic of a relationship, but I encourage you to claim your power in this relationship and stop doing for him like he's your child.