Hi there. I might not be the person you might be looking for a reply from, but your post reminded me of "keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer". I am going through a pretty civil divorce so far. However, I have had problems similar to yours with my ex before he was my ex. The only thing that fixed it was leaving. I have a feeling after your divorce, things will be much better. Also, my bio-dad was very much like this also. He would scream and yell and blame. He fought with me and fought with my mom, step mom, guardians, etc. I would see the changes in him, based off of how you treated him. He was trying to make everything difficult, but the more calm you remained, the better off he was. Instead of talking very professional and proper (like I did when I was ready to leave my ex), I found that it works better if you talk to these difficult men with a more laid back attitude that is non-threathening. If he feels like you will be there for him, then he will feel more comfortable. I am only twenty, but I have been in many difficult situations like this, and it works for me until I decide to rip the rug from under them when I don't have to be nice anymore...

It is so hard sometimes to remain civil, calm, etc. I am learning though. Jerk feeds on getting me upset. I now have my new favorite line-This is something I'm not going to discuss with you right now. This is something I'm not going to discuss with you right now. This is something I'm not going to discuss with you right now." On the third or fourth repetition he usually backs off.

I have tried both ways and the only way that works for me is being mean to him. I have tried being nice and he thinks he can walk all over me, and when he is with BF(big foot) OW(she is taller than him)he treats me all nasty and mean but as soon as big foot is out of sight the flea(STBX) is all nice. So I have decided to just be right out mean.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not nice, I just disarm him so to speak. But hey, if mean works I won't knock it.