I have tried both ways and the only way that works for me is being mean to him. I have tried being nice and he thinks he can walk all over me, and when he is with BF(big foot) OW(she is taller than him)he treats me all nasty and mean but as soon as big foot is out of sight the flea(STBX) is all nice. So I have decided to just be right out mean.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not nice, I just disarm him so to speak. But hey, if mean works I won't knock it.