Stacrylee
I can totally relay to your story. More than you think. I have an 18yr and a 7yr. Both from The Flea(EX) He is a bank for my 18yr and a supposedly father for my 7yr old. He has done so much damage to my daughter, that she has decided not to be in his life any longer, now she speaks for her 7yr old brother and tells The Flea what her brother wants. He can't or won't accept that our son only wants a call from him at 9pm to say good nite. The Flea just want to control what he has controlled for so many years. Don't let him. Just ignore him. If the kids don't want to talk to him respect their decision. I make excuses for my son. Then before bed time he calls The Flea to say good night and hung's up the phone in less than a minute.

I believe men just want to control what they can't have. They want what they can't have, and when they see you move on without them, it scares them and they tend to lash out. I have started to stop all communication to The Flea. If it is not about our son I just don't talk to him. If he starts yelling at me I just hung the phone, don't answer, I have closed the door on his face and left him yelling there. It just ****** him up, but he will get over it.

I was told something yesterday, and I saw it in my son's eyes last night. Your kids will always prefer their mother over, their father. No matter how much fun, how much dad spends on them, no one can make things better like MOMMY CAN. Believe that. Hug your kids and love them, Be there for them and soon they will see who DADDY REALLY IS.. HANG IN THERE..

Maybe this is silly, but hey, it works for me. I have been married 20 years next month. All this time, he has mentally tortured me. Told me what I am, what I think, what I do, and it's not true. When I asked about him (suspecting drug use) I was told I was crazy, paranoid, making things up, etc... I seriously lost my mind. I started doubting myself, my memories, my actions. Until the truths started coming out. And slowly, slowly, I regained my sense of self and reality. Unfortunately, my son (16) is starting to do this. He uses the same words his dad did, twists things around, outright lies saying I did/said something when I KNOW I didn't or saying he did/said something I KNOW he didn't. I get a panicked feeling when he starts, I feel like I am reliving that, I get defensive and yell. But I have stopped, I tell him I am not playing this game anymore, it won't work on me. He feels out of control so tries to control me. 99% of the time he is an awesome son and I am very proud of him. But when he gets frustrated, he acts like this. I guess because it is infrequent I get worked up because it is unexpected. But it's easier with a kid! I tell him he had better stop right now or it's off to bed!! Anyway, my stbx doesn't speak to me anymore. Sometimes he will, maybe 2 or 3 times in last 4 months. Otherwise he acts like I don't exist and if I try to talk to him he covers his head with a blanket (like a baby, thinks if he can't see me, I can't see him. wow.) So when I get these frustrating feelings, I take some slow deep breaths, I remind myself of who I AM, not what I am accused of. I envision a protective white light all around me so these words and actions cannot batter my soul. I remind myself God will handle it. There is nothing I can do or say to affect their behavior. So I refuse to let theirs affect mine. Sounds like you are doing the right thing by documenting and staying calm. It's tough with kids with the age gap of yours, one old enough to make her own choices, the other still dependent for many more years (my son will be 17 soon, but my daughter only 10, so I know I'll have to deal with him in one form or another for another 8 years). But we'll get through it. Surely they'll tire eventually??? When all is said and done, the divorce is complete, won't they eventually look for another victim? I sure hope so. Let us know how things went in court!