My counselor told me that I can't bash their father, but I don't have to protect him, either. So when Jerk doesn't follow through on something, I simply tell my kids I'm sorry they are feeling sad, I don't know why their father has made the choices he has, I can not explain what he is thinking, that is something that is outside of my control, etc. I don't say BAD things about him, but I don't lie for him. Realizing what a loser a father is hurts, but once they recognize the truth, they seem more prepared to handle the disappointments. From my experience they place the blame where the blame belongs. It doesn't always work like a charm, but it's better than being put in the middle. Good luck.

yeah i see what i mean i dont want to bash him but i think there getting tired of hearing " daddy could not make it today" and it 3 months since the boys have seen there dad. i worry that he may never come back and i hate that truth. i hate it cuz i don't want them to go though that nor anyone how can a man that said he loves me and his sons be like this :( that was not the life i wanted for them at all i don't know what to do?? its driving me up the wall and i cant handle this anymore last night i was hitting my breaking point he blames me its my fault i should have done something to stop this but what what can i do how can i stop this pain? (sigh)

Own your own mistakes, but do NOT take his. I cannot imagine walking away from my kids. I about go nuts when I'm away from them for a day or 2. None of us wanted this for our kids. On the other hand, without the sperm donor we wouldn't have these blessings. So, each time I become frazzled with the outcome of my marriage, I cling to that thought. Your kids will be OK as long as they know you love them and you give them the support they need. I've got one of mine seeing a counselor, the other seems OK without it. So each kiddo is different. (((Hugs)))

thank you i love my kids more then anything i love haveing them in my life and think about them all the time. but even the sadness seems to creep on me.

Angie, I understand your sadness. For better or worse (please forgive my sense of humor-the irony of the word choice) I have moved to the anger stage. Now every time Jerk does something that is hurtful to our children, all I want to do is grab his manhood and twist them off. So, this stage has its pros and cons too. Really, I am not a violent person-but DON'T MESS WITH MY KIDS!