I remember having those emotions you cannot control. I remember wanting to kill him. I remember feeling out of control of my own actions. Like you I am not a violent person, but I really did want to hurt him. With him gone I have control over when I see him. (We have kids-I do have to see him.) I know in advance when I will see him so I am not caught off-guard. That really helps. My emotions aren't on that roller coaster because I have more control. Let us know how you come out with the attorneys. I think living apart from him will really help you. Hugs.

Thanks Becky! I know I will be better when he is gone, definitely his being there unexpectedly is a trigger. I can do laundry if he's down there and I know he's there. i take some deep breaths, focus on just going to the laundry room and not look at him or speak. Sometimes I hold my breath as I go down the stairs and won't breathe until the laundry room door is closed! that actually makes me giggle! But not knowing he was there? It was awful. I didn't even hear him come in! He sneaks in like a burglar! I am all out of sorts now. I have to pull myself together. I can get away with not going into work because it's MLK day and I have kids, but I NEED to get my work done. I'll try to do it at home and go in this evening. I just don't want to leave my kids home when he's here and in who-knows-what kind of state. God help me. I have a family history of heart disease and I am scared this stress will literally kill me before I have the chance to live a happy life!