Divorce is NOT EASY.. & the first 3 months I struggled with a lot of pain, it waned after that, but never did I want him back.. I think we reach a point where we know they aren't going to work on things.. etc. that's where I was at.
the last 3 weeks & I am past the divorce but now dealing directly with the debt part (since he doesn't pay on it/ I'm stuck with the burden of it all..).
I have been very angry the last 3 weeks & the only way I can stave this off is from exercise. If I don't I stew over it..I still get mad, irritated etc.. because there's always something I'm dealing with yet in the aftermath.. but burning off my energy helps a lot.
They say at first it feels like being hit by a truck. yep. Also, I have heard the first # of months it's just overwhelming in every way.. I agree.
So give yourself time. If you can list things on paper, emotions, plans, goals, get information right now if nothing else.. support groups, legal, etc...
When you hit a wall, do what you can do.
My ex would run back to his family instead of dealing with me, his wife, he would idealize always prior things, & notlive in reality. So now I still deal with the ramifications of his choice to leave...
I read the bible .. Also, I remember too I was SO busy trying to get resituated in all of it.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
The longer away the more it helps to separate his reality from your own.. but at first it's more literal & crisis driven. Once you resettle you can deal with the emotions more fluidly, but right now, try to deal with taking care of your needs.
When my husband left me for the last time I remember not crying much at all.. I was just glad to be off of his roller coaster he put us both on.
Exercise helps me stay in movement with emotions...
otherwise I get stuck (seems that way for me..).
TAKE CARE & you are not alone!